- Decade dreams
- September 17th, 10:08
Woke up from a dream about Heidi, she had pulled up her chair next to my spot (like diagonally on the corner) to talk to other members of my quad when I had got up. I want to say one of them was Laura but I'm not sure. I was awkward about sitting down in my chair because she was so close to it, but eventually did. Then for some weird reason she got up and then went to sit in my seat, presumably not knowing I was there, and sat in my lap. The three (I think) other quad members were laughing about it and teasing, I think one said something like "don't get up don't get up" mimicking my thought process.
I wonder how long school dreams like this will last. Maybe forever? Until I find someone? I keep wondering why these occur more frequently than dreams about people I grew to knew more recently. Perhaps it's a matter of quantity. Maybe the sheer sum of duration of proximity embeds someone in our subconscious more than how lately you knew them or how far you get. Perhaps the emotions register relationships and bonds in a less realistic way than our brains do.
Feels harsh, I'm doomed to robbed of the possibility of such nostalgia, basically can't ever do that HS reunion thing people often do (Monkey Dust: "Toilet?" "Toilet." heh) much like being a bummed out depressfag meant missing the whole HS dating and prom thing. I know experiences shape us and I don't lament what I learn as a result, but there's still a void of normalcy one misses, still a desire to relive things differently. Maybe this will settle if I could form some bonds. Net relationships are nice but as ideal as a purely mental interaction is, I think I do miss in-person genuine interactions. There has to be more than superficial stuff for me in my future. I'm just scared of the risks inherent to opening up. People misunderstand so easily and are sheeper than they believe themselves to be. I probably am too.